Hi Maria, I have 2 kids and a lovely wife but not attracted to her anymore. My kids are my everything and don’t want to do anything to hurt them in anyway. They are too young to understand. What to do?? I need help. -Very Confused

Dear Very Confused,

So the problem is you are not attracted to your wife anymore, with a secondary problem of not want to hurt the kids. Do you want to leave her, or do you want to figure out a way to get back the attraction?

Let me answer both possibilities:

If your relationship with your lovely wife is over (sometimes we grow out of love with our person, and that’s ok), then the best thing to do for your children is to hit splitsville. Your children are already watching you both, and learning lessons of love through how you both interact with each other. They will see if there is love, anger, resentment, affection, or any other positive or negative emotion between you two. This will become their model of love for their future intimate relationships. (Remember, words are only 7% of communication. Body language is 56% and tone is 37%.) If you and your wife separate amicably, this will teach your children how to be real with their feelings and how to navigate tough situations.

Now let’s say you want to stay together and figure it out. The first thing you gotta do is figure out what your needs are in this relationship. And what are her needs? Grab a pen and paper and write down a list of all the things that are important to you about Relationships, about sex, about parenting, about your emotions, about household finances, and about any other important aspect that bonds the two fo you. Each topic is its own list. When you’re both done, compare your lists with hers and see where you need to make compromises with each other, and where you can help fill each others needs. 

Lastly, when you first met, what was it that made you swoon over her? Take those thoughts and take her out on a date. Leave the kids at home, or better yet at your parents overnight. Do something new together. Experience something that could be emotionally exhilarating. New experiences equal new cells in the body. These new cells will create a stronger bond between you two. Make it a priority to go on date night 2-4 times a month, without the children.

-With Love and Sincerity, Maria



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